How to survive a zombie apocalypse

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How to survive a zombie apocalypse A mad scientist or the government – no wait, don’t all mad scientists usually work for the government- created a virus that mutated into a super infection turning the human population into brain craving zombies.

Nothing much you can do about it, except if you are a highly intelligent scientist yourself and are able by some miracle to reverse or cure the disease.

You’re only option is survival. To persevere and endure until someone else, a little smarter than you, find a cure.

Here are a few tips on how to survive:

  1.  Forget about your family.  That is harsh, I know, but let’s face it – your uncle with the beer belly and your ancient grandmother won’t be any help during a zombie apocalypse.  Now its survival of the fittest.
  2. Now I mentioned the word ‘fittest’ – how fit are you?  Will you be able to outrun a mob of zombies?Some zombies are really slow. They stagger, slump and moan towards you.  In fact they are so slow that you can have a whole conversation with a member of your group and drink a cup of coffee before the need arise to stab them in the head.Then there are the Olympic athlete zombies – we saw them in World War Z – that can run faster than the average human and scale walls like Spiderman. They are the ones to watch out for.So get off your couch and start exercising!
  3.  Forget the treadmill and yoga classes!  They will not help you stave off the hungry mob of the walking dead.  You need to join a martial arts class – karate, Tai kwon do – anything that teaches you how to chop, kick, throw a hunting knife and wield a sword.Image
  4. Can you make a fire or hunt?  Join a survival class and practice your skills every day in your garden.  You will be surprised what you can catch in your own yard.   If you are not up for the whole roughing it in the wild experience, then stay in the city.  Find a building you can hide in and stock up on canned food and chocolate pudding.
  5. Think twice before joining a group.  The humans that had managed to survive thus far are usually a bit unstable.  That includes you.  Being crazy is a good thing!  You don’t want to join the nice normal people – THEY DIE FIRST!  Find the deranged individuals with lots of personal issues and maybe a tattoo or two and become their best friend.
  6. If all else fails – befriend a zombie.  You heard right!  Bat your eyes and show your dimples and maybe, MAYBE, his heart will start beating again and he won’t eat your brain (I give no guarantees for your boyfriends brain)

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Lastly, on a rather personal note, I want to ask anyone that has the misfortune of experiencing a zombie apocalypse: Please stock up on clean clothes.  Nobody wants to see you day after day wearing the same filthy, blood smeared shirt you wore on the last day you went to work.

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/fusky/9946004106/”>fusky</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/grmisiti/8149581575/”>Grmisiti</a&gt; via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/g205/441858611/”>Mark Lobo .</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

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